Wedding bells are ringing and the big day is a little over 6 months away. As a woman with deep Catholic roots, I treasure many traditions and am so excited to incorporate many of them into my wedding celebration. When I envision myself walking down the aisle of the gorgeous church in which I received the sacraments and attended so many functions from my own days in elementary school, I get chills.
There is one tradition, however, in which I will not partake on my wedding day: the bouquet toss.
The bridal bouquet toss is intended to be a simple, fun way to celebrate the wedding and look forward to future marriages among those that we love. Unfortunately, for single women, the bouquet toss isn’t always an enjoyable event. When I was in my early twenties, I loved the bouquet toss! I was so young and very few societal expectations were placed upon me. As I grew into my late twenties and early thirties, I became increasingly aware of my status as a single person. Each wedding that I attended had a smaller and smaller pool of women to participate in trying to catch the bouquet. At a certain point, it starts getting really awkward.
It took a while, but by the time I was thirty; I became quite comfortable and confident in my single lifestyle. I was happy in my own skin and I didn’t need the validation of having a significant other in my life. I was on my own and I loved being me. Except for when I attended weddings. I really hated the bouquet toss. I didn’t like having to stand in front of the room full of people so I could catch the bouquet and buy into the superstition that I would be the next to wed.
As a 33 year old bride, most of my close friends and female cousins are already married or engaged. It just doesn’t seem right (or kind) to require the handful of single women in attendance to come forward and catch the bouquet. Let them be single and be proud of it without being singled out and asked to stand in front of all our guests.
I know what you’re probably thinking: no bouquet toss? What about the garter toss for the men?
The answer is no. Definitely not.
This is not so much about the discomfort that single men might feel about being singled out. As far as I can tell, most men don’t often view themselves as failures if they are still single at a certain age.
Rather, I feel mortified at Rob and I providing a show in which he reaches WAY up my dress in front of all my closest family and friends. That is a very personal act and not something I want to display for all of the guests at our wedding.
Can you imagine?
Oh my gosh, no.
No no no no no no no no no no. NO.
The only thing worse would be watching that very personal garment of mine be tossed away to a pack of single men (many of which are family). Do you ever stop to think about how weird it is that a family member would want to own an article of clothing that I had worn around my thigh all day?
To me, that is very strange.
And icky.
Very, very icky.
On my wedding day, I will walk down the aisle, say “I do”, eat, drink and be merry.
But I will not toss my bouquet.
Kelly says
I agree with you 100%. I didn’t toss my bouquet when I got married, either. Instead, I had a number of small girls in attendance so I tossed a small bouquet just for the littles! They loved it and it was a special way for them to be included in so much “grown-up” stuff.
Maria Manore says
Oh my gosh, Kelly! I LOVE the idea of tossing the bouquet for the little people in attendance. That sounds just precious.
Melanie Ralbusky says
I loved this post! You crack me up! I completely agree…NO bouquet toss. I think the Dollar Dance needs to go too.
Maria Manore says
Oh, there will definitely NOT be a dollar dance! Although, it might be a good way to raise funds for Rob’s student loan debt :)
Rob Gavin says
I’ve never heard of a dollar dance. People pay you to dance at your own wedding?
Maria Manore says
Kind of :) People pay for a chance to dance with the bride or groom for a few seconds.
Jen says
I am getting married on 7/12/15 and I will not be tossing my bouquet either! I am so glad I found someone who agrees!
Maria Manore says
Welcome to the “no bouquet toss club!” Congrats on your engagement!
JulieY says
Perhaps your toss bouquet could be “awarded” to the couple at your wedding married the longest.
Maria Manore says
That’s an adorable idea too, Julie!
Heather N. says
That’s what my husband and I did at our wedding. Our DJ announced for all married couples to stand up. Then, if you’ve been married less than a day, sit down (the wedding couple sat down), less than a year, less than 5, and so on until the couple who had been married the longest was left standing. It was neat to see who fit into which category and then to find the couple who had been married the longest.
-Heather
Jessica says
Omg Maria! I am single and 30 and you took the words right out of my mouth! I hate being singled out to catch the bouquet (and am happily single)…. Thank you for posting this! ❤️
Maria Manore says
I’m so happy you are happily single! Don’t let anyone bring you down about that – keep on being single and fabulous and stay far away from any and all bouquet tosses!
Amy says
My husband was totally opposed to the dollar dance as well. He said he felt as if we were asking for money from our guests. I agreed as long as we agreed that the “chicken dance” wouldn’t be played either ;)
Maria Manore says
I’m right there with ya, Amy! No chicken dance either!
Melissa says
Maria, I COMPLETELY agree and support you in this decision!
Sheila says
Couldn’t agree more, we didn’t do any of those things. They are outdated and the garter is a completely weird practice. We were also very specific about songs not to play. I think after you’ve been through a few weddings, you realize what you want and don’t want from a guest’s perspective.
Maria Manore says
We have one of those lists for the DJ as well :)
Amy says
I totally agree with you! Maria, I know at 33 you feel like an “older” bride, but, you’re not! I’m 38 and still single. It’s…not so fun anymore. ;) They did the bouquet toss at my cousin’s wedding in April, and yeah, it was uncomfortable. I only went up because my 11 year old niece wanted to do it so I stood by her. :) I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and will feel personalized to the two of you.
Maria Manore says
Hi Amy! Oh my gosh, that sounds completely uncomfortable and I’m so sorry to hear that you felt that way. I think you are wonderful and perfect on your own and I really hope that nobody ever makes you feel otherwise. Weddings should never make single people feel bad about themselves or their situations. Thank you so much for your kind words about our upcoming wedding. Rob and I are very excited and we are trying so hard to make it an enjoyable experience for all of our guests – single and married alike.
Leslie says
My bouquet toss was totally for all my younger cousins. I am the oldest of 32 grandchildren so when I got married there were lots of little girls who just couldn’t wait to catch to the bouquet. We had the Band director call forward “all girls under 18” for the bouquet toss. They loved it and the pictures are adorable. My husband really wanted to do the garter toss so I wore the garter around my calf, in my family the groom removes it with his teeth (talk about awkward!). But since my fiance/now husband only had 3 requests for the wedding (my hair down, a chocolate cake, and the garter toss) I let him have it.
Becky says
*laughing*
Agreed!
We planned it out in advance for our wedding. We had the bouquet toss and garter toss (many young friends for those) but we did the garter toss…differently. 1) I never wore the garter. 2) We had a football wear the garter. 3) We had my hubby hide the football in his jacket, bend down like he was going to go for the garter, but before he reached the hem of my dress he just turned around and chucked the football. THAT was fun. But we were NOT going to do the traditional garter toss. No way!
Susan H. says
As an older bride myself (46 when we married) I also disliked the bouquet toss, and usually would head straight to the ladies’ room when the announcement was made so I could avoid being the oldest one in the crowd of single ladies. We did not do the bouquet toss or garter toss — in fact, now that I think about it, I didn’t even wear a garter! I didn’t have my dad “give me away” either, as that seemed kind of silly when I have lived on my own for 26 years by then! Instead, he and my mom walked in together, then our siblings (our attendants) with their spouses, and my husband and I walked in down the aisle together.
Maria Manore says
I love that you walked down the aisle with your husband! What a wonderful way to personalize your ceremony to fit the person that you are.
Sarah says
Oh my gosh! I felt the same way. It was fun in my early twenties but as all of my friends kept getting married and I was becoming the only single one at 26….I was embarrassed when they called me out there! I didn’t do it at my Wedding 2 years later. Instead, I had all married couples on the floor to dance. Then slowly dismissed them by saying if you have been married 1 year or more stay, 5 years, 10 years, and so on until the couple who had been married the longest was still dancing. They got a bouquet made especially for them!
Lita Lita says
When I get married I won’t do that! It is not a tradition in Spain. We just give the bouquet to a special friend or relative. I’ll give it to my grandma. :)
Maria Manore says
Oh Lita Lita,
That is the sweetest thing I have heard all day. What a sweet gift. I know your grandmother would love it.
Nikki says
I am in the same boat you are. We are not tossing a bouquet or a garter for the same reasons. Instead, we are doing an anniversary dance. We will invite all married couples to the dance floor and dismiss them based on the number of years they have been married (least to most). The last remaining couple should be the one who has been married the longest, and I will hand them my toss bouquet. I think this will be much more meaningful and fun.
Kelly Daniel says
I love your decision to not throw the bouquet. I’ve never enjoyed being singled out (no pun intended) because I wasn’t married (at the time). We didn’t have a typical reception at our wedding but I know that if we did I, too, wouldn’t have a bouquet or garter toss. Some traditions are best kept in the past!
Also, I love your newest lifestyle blog! I’ve been a follower (doesn’t that sound creepy?) of yours for a while since I too am a teacher and also have a teacher blog. Both of your blogs have been so fun and rewarding to read!
Maria Manore says
Hi Kelly! You don’t sound creepy at all. I am always deeply flattered to hear that teachers that follow Kinder Craze have enjoyed reading Crazy Together as well. You are welcome at both blogs whenever you have time to come catch up on what’s been happening with Me (and Rob as well!)
Catherine says
hi Maria! I found your blog looking at stitch fix ideas on Pinterest. We go to the same church. You mom was my second grade teacher. My out TPT stuff makes me want to be a teacher. And your blog makes me wish we’d sent our daughter to you for K. (Although we love her teacher. Who also goes to our church. Man this town is small).
Anyway. We didn’t do the boquet or garter. We didn’t have a best man or maid of honor. We didn’t do the bridal attendants dance (more awkwardness). We didn’t have a head table – we sat with our parents and grand parents and let the attendants sit with their spouses. And we didn’t smash the cake, at the request of my mom :)
Kacie says
Just going through all of your wedding posts, as I just got married in October and know the feeling about planning!
I, too, did not intend on throwing a bouquet, or doing anything with my garter. For one, there were few single gals at our wedding, and it would have really isolated them had this happened.
We also didn’t do a bridal party dance. Although two of our attendants were married (now SIL and BIL), and would have had DH’s brother just dance with his wife, and let my sister pick someone to dance with (possibly the friend that we met through, and she knows)… it just wasn’t something we NEEDED to have.
We also did our parents dance at the same time, that way the attention wasn’t ALL on each of us during that time. We picked a song that worked for both, and don’t regret it at all.
Enjoy the rest of your planning… I loved and hated it at the same time… but loved how everything turned out!
Maria Manore says
Oh my goodness, Kacie, it is like we are the same person! We are not doing a bridal party dance either and we intend to combine our parent dances for the exact same reason. I’m so happy that you enjoy reading the wedding posts, even though you are a newlywed! Congrats!
Crystal says
We did do a bouquet toss, although I LOVE the idea of tossing it to precious little girls who may be in attendance. But I was like you and there was NO way I was going to have my husband reaching up my dress in front of my parents and family – so we had him toss one that we had just bought at the store and not the one I was wearing! Do whatever you are most comfortable with!!
DMV says
I came across this site looking for a way to not catch the garter at my sister’s wedding in about a month. I am perpetually single, mid thirties, never had someone who was a significant other, and live hundreds miles from any family while following my dreams. As someone who absolutely abhores romance, parties, and downright hates those who try to get me to be interested in the whole mess, it is appreciated that there are those who don’t try to single guys like me out in such a way. Thank you.